Christmas in March!
For this month only i'm handing over the blog (mostly) to Mags Scammell. She is the host of tonight's ceremony and my co-conspirator in MAGHAG productions. These planning for these awards began in October but had to be postponed when COVID got in the way again. After transferring 10 awards across town and hiding them in a cupboard they were miraculously still in one piece!
So over to you Mags.......
So tonight we are hosting a special award ceremony. America has the Oscars, the UK has the BAFTAs, but tonight i welcome you to the CRAFTAs. During the awards please feel free to go to the bar, heckle and of course go to the loo. I will endeavour to do a group selfie, a la Ellen DeGeneres and to offend as many people as possible, as per Ricky Gervais, but i cannot promise to be as funny as either of them. (most of these were made by me, mainly because SOMEONE managed to pull the arm off the first one and then gave herself third degree burns with a glue gun)
AWARD FOR WINNER WHO WON'T TAKE
THE BLOODY PRIZE
So our first award goes to a lady who has inspired us all by her fabulous quilts, but despite entering our challenges, competitions etc. always refuses to take the prize. Now there might be a good reason for this i.e. she has usually donated the prizes, but tonight she cannot refuse.
So the award for the “Winner who won't take a bloody prize” goes to
Jo does her best Meryl Streep impression
AWARD FOR THE BIGGEST SCRAP BIN
Our second award goes to another beautiful quilter, who produces some amazing work, but when you say how much you love her choice of fabric and colour, She says "oh I just used my scraps"
So the award for “The Biggest Scrap Bin” goes to
Janet is far too polite to say "what the f**k is this?
AWARD FOR MOST WORKSHOPS ATTENDED
this should actually read "her husband and children miss her as they've run out of food and clean clothes"
Our next award FOR THE MOST ATTENDED WORKSHOPS goes to a woman who was so dedicated to her role as Events Secretary on the committee that her husband had these posters placed all over the city. This award goes to
AWARD FOR NOT MAKING A QUILT WITHOUT
A BIRD ON IT
During lockdown it was difficult to get inspiration but one member seemed to spend her whole time tweeting, No not tweeting that's not the word, twittering? nope that's not it either Ornothologying? Oh forget it. The award for “not making a quilt unless there is a bird on it”, goes to
this is Karen attempting to show Mags how to fly
AWARD FOR THE MOST USE OF THE SAME PATTERN
I am glad to report that as a group we have embraced upcycling and recycling, but one of our members has taking this much further than the rest of us by using one pattern again and again. So the award for the “most use of a pattern” goes to
Now sadly Barbara can’t be here tonight, so she collect it later
The next award goes to a lady who very kindly gave us all an excuse for making that one quilt that was “Just plain ugly” And that excuse is “ save it for when when you end up in a retirement home because no one will steal it” Priceless.
This award for Ugly Quilt excuse goes to
it should be pointed out that Liz was the person who described it as the ugliest quilt in the first place. But she was right. It was. However Liz would like to add that it was beautifully sewn
AWARD FOR MAKER OF THE BEST SCONES WITH A PHD (the maker that is, not the scones)
Now for all you new ladies, I’d like you to be aware that Cake is very important to the guild members. We don’t really care if they are bought or made. But what I will say is: If the winner of this category is attending a Sunday sewing day and has made her scones then you should try to be at that meeting. She has perfected the art of scones during lockdown, while completing her Masters.
So the Thank you for the Calories award goes to our new chair
Sheila would like us to remind Liz that, after tasting her strawberry scones she famously said "i'll not ask for the recipe..."
AWARD FOR QUILT WITH THE MOST CAT HAIR
My goodness what a talented bunch of ladies we are, We quilt, some of us crochet, some of us paint, some of us dabble in flower making, others in embroidery, mosaique work, dyeing our own fabric, most of us do several crafts, but there is one lady who does it all
so “the award for the most crafty crafter” goes to
We have all had times when we have to get a bit of a move on. Some of us struggle with the concept of deadlines (mainly Jo) but the winner here has been known to finish a quilt before she's even started it. This astonishing speed even covers the time she spends unpicking the bits she's got wrong, and the the time at the end when she finally gets round to reading the instructions. The effect of this hyperspeed affects the quilters around her too. Those who have ever collaborated can often be seen wandering around in a daze, muttering to themselves, and rarely volunteer to undergo the experience again.They need to be left alone in a quiet room with a pile of patterns until they recover. She is the only member who has a standing order for stitch unpickers